Christmas Cracker Jokes
Here are some bad Christmas Cracker Jokes.
I've only got Christmas or winter themed ones here - as I like them the most!
If you know anymore bad Christmas jokes (that are clean!), please contact me, so I can add them to this page!
Jokes
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!
What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!
What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!
What is the best xmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!
How did Scrooge with the football game?
The ghost of christmas passed!
What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws!
What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!
What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
What's the most popular Christmas wine?
'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'
What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because he wasn't chicken!
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!
What happened to the turkey at Christmas?
It got gobbled!
Why do ghosts live in the fridge?
Because it's cool!
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!
What do crackers, fruitcake and nuts remind me of?
You!
One-liners
Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said "I don't know about you but I can smell carrots."!
Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
There were two biscuits, on a plate, all ready for Santa to eat. One biscuit decided to go and hide in the biscuit tin as it didn't want to get eaten. As it was going to the kitchen, Santa came in and stood on it and all the other biscuit could say was 'Crumbs'!.